Warning: This can be a mood-dampener, especially for WonKyu shippers, so don't read if you don't want your mood to be spoiled. You may not agree with me ^^;; Also, this may not make sense at all idek I'm in a confused state right now OTL
All the SS5BKK hype, especially the second day, left me feeling numb and confused rather than elated. Maybe it's only me, but I want to share a bit about this :)
I've been involved in fandoms for over ten years now, but Super Junior (and WonKyu specifically) is my first Real Person fandom. This caused me a huge dilemma at the beginning. My fandoms and ships before this one had always come from fictional materials, such as manga, anime, TV series, movies, etc. So when I fell for Kyuhyun and started liking WonKyu, I couldn't directly jump into writing fics as usual. It just felt wrong and weird to be writing about love stories (because my fics are mainly of the romance genre) involving two REALLY EXISTING people. This is, like, a really serious violation of rights.
But after a month or so, I started writing fics anyway because that's what I do when I ship. After a while I came into terms with that dilemma by thinking like this: The ones I ship are Super Junior's Siwon and Super Junior's Kyuhyun. They are different from Choi Siwon and Cho Kyuhyun because, let's face it, they're idols. Their job is to entertain. The Siwon and Kyuhyun we see on screen and on stage and even whenever they appear in public, are certainly not the real them. They're the idols, not the real people. I ship SJ's Siwon and SJ's Kyuhyun together romantically but not the real Choi Siwon and Cho Kyuhyun because hell, they're the only ones who can decide whom they want to date/marry/etc. and it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Idk if this makes sense for anyone else but that's how my logic works xp
So anyway, by thinking like that, I could finally start shipping in peace. This wasn't difficult a year ago, when they were still a crack pairing and bordering on obscure. I could think whatever I wanted about them because, well, they were nonexistent.
But then everything changed. I don't remember exactly when, but suddenly WonKyu wasn't an obscure pairing anymore. Something changed from the boys' side too. Siwon, the king of skinship, started doing more and more fanservice with Kyuhyun. We WonKyu shippers started getting OTP moments almost every time there was an event or a concert. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't happy with all those moments, but I tried to tell myself every single time that it was just fanservice. That's what they do anyway. But things kept escalating and I was carried away by the shipping wave, and between receiving generous moments from OTP and having wonderful fellow shippers who would always be ready to scream about WonKyu with me, I guess I crossed the line somewhere.
And then came tonight. So far SS5BKK is the highest point for us all WonKyu shippers, starting from Siwon's saying "my love Cho Kyuhyun" to literally chasing Kyuhyun all over the stage and constantly touching him and ASKING FOR THE WONKYU BANNER FROM FANS. Oh, let's not forget his "Kyuhyun is mine" line and Kyuhyun's answering "I know", which, you know, practically killed. Minutes after the high was over though, the only thing I could feel is confusion because other than all those moments above, there was also this one: Kyuhyun's basically asking the fans "why fans always want us to kiss each other?"
We all know that Kyuhyun is not a touchy-feely sort of person. He doesn't really like doing fanservice, which is probably the reason why most WonKyu fanservices we've seen so far are initiated by Siwon. Usually, I'll be able to brush it off by saying that he's shy, tsundere, blablabla. This one, however, struck a different note in me. It felt like a slap to the face and I was like OHMAIGOD WHAT AM I DOING.
Idk maybe I've already begun thinking of them as real. I've crossed the line I set myself and it's just... it's not cool. It's not right >_< I still ship WonKyu with all my heart but they are SJ's WonKyu, not Choi Siwon x Cho Kyuhyun. If WonKyu turns out to be real, well, yes I'll be one of the happiest fangirls on earth but it honestly doesn't have to be that way. As a Kyu-stan, I only want him to be happy. I really hope that he does have someone right now, girlfriend or boyfriend, who can love and take care of him and whom he can love and take care of in return :')
ANYWAY, THAT'S A GREAT LOAD OFF MY CHEST LOL If you're still reading this, well, I'm just curious, am I the only one who has this sort of dilemma? xD